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Ivy and Karen agree to be nice and professional during awards season. You know this won't last. Ivy is in her Broadway Star, Go-to-Hell Red coat while Karen is in a painfully hip cap she borrowed from a Rastafarrian.
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I feel a little guilty about writing my usual SmashSnark since the show has just been cancelled. It's sad that a show with this much potential has crashed and burned so spectacularly.
But I don't feel that bad, Hit It:
This episode began "in progress" because of some sports something or other. I hate the tyranny of sports on TV. Don't they know Broadway divas are waiting? Anyhoo, we're in the middle of a totally improbable scene in which Ana is "screwing up her cross" in
Hit List rehearsal. The actress who has been totally spot-on every moment she's on stage is suddenly staggering around like a three-year old at a ballet recital. Subtle, this show ain't.
Cut to Eileen who is planning a tribute to Tom and Julia and their oeuvre. "Lindsay" is going to sing, which is apparently a real big deal. Hopefully, they don't mean Lohan. This tribute is all about the
Bombshell Tony campaign. Eileen wants Tom and Julia to sing a duet at the tribute and Daphne Ruben-Vega agrees.
Hit List has magically moved to Broadway and Ana has been sidelined for the night for "screwing up her cross." She's pissed and sees the handwriting on the wall. Derek wants to replace her!
Good little Karen goes to Derek to go to bat for Ana and discovers that Derek is testing Daisy for Ana's role. Daisy is the gal who sued Derek for screwing her. Then he screwed her again.
Ivy does a Ford Fusion ad in Times Square wearing a cute little sundress even though it's freezing in New York. As soon as it's done, she pulls on her killer red coat. I am obsessed with that red coat which is clearly the best thing about this episode.
The gossip blogs are suddenly all about Ivy and her sinful past, including sleeping with Derek and Karen's boyfriend (remember hot Raza Jaffrey from last season?). Therefore, she doesn't want to play a stripper in the Tom and Julia tribute.
Tom and Julia's split has hit the blogs also. Who could have leaked it? This will make the tribute oh so poignant.
Now that
Hit List is on Broadway, Julia and Jimmy are trying to recreate that Downtown feeling. Julia finds one of Kyle's index cards with "Twitter" or something written on it and decide the answer is to text and tweet the audience during the show. OMG, Broadway discovers social media! So hip! So now! So Downtown! Never mind that theaters usually discourage the use of phones during performances, not encourage it. They set out to make this brilliant idea happen for tonight's performance. I guess they're going to get every ticket holder's mobile number or something.
At the Tom and Julia tribute, Megan is still ambivalent about doing her big stripper number. Eileen gives her a pep talk and she goes out there and knocks them dead.
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This is as undressed as Megan gets during her stripper number. She totally kills it.
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Karen finds out that Daisy is one of the dancers who sued Derek. She confronts him and he immediately admits that he screwed her a month ago and he's giving her Ana's role to keep her quiet. Brilliant idea, Derek. Way to set yourself up for another lawsuit.
It's the
Hit List opening night at The Barrymore, which is way too classy a theater for this dreck. We're subjected to another dumb
Hit List number. Ana's watching from the back, pissed as hell that Daisy's going on instead of her.
Cut to the Tom and Julia tribute at The Oak Room. Julia shows up really late because she's been working on the
Hit List social media stunt. Tom is pissed, but what else is new? Julia sings. Cue the Tom and Julia montage from the past two seasons. Awww, they really do love each other.
OMG it was Eileen who leaked the Tom and Julia breakup! Now they have to give them the Tony because it's their last show! Daphne Ruben-Vega admires her knack for publicity.
Derek fires Ana and hires Daisy. Really dumb move.
Karen tells Ana that Ivy screwed Derek for the lead in
Bombshell, Ana tells Ivy, Ivy confronts Karen. It's on, bitches, just in time for the Tony nominations.
The episode's last moments:
Ring Ring.
"Hello?"
"Ivy Lynn? Congratulations, you're pregnant."
Boom! Show's over.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.