There She Is

I have a confession to make. I'm a total pageant queen. I know you're shocked since I'm a super-butch ex-Army guy and all, but it's true. So, naturally, I was all about Miss America last weekend. My illness has kept me from blogging about this before, but here it is.

Above you can see the scrunchy-faced new Miss America Kirsten Haglund of Michigan getting a hug from last year's queen, flanked by my girl Miss Texas Molly Hazlet on the right and a less than thrilled Miss California Melissa Chaty on the left. Frankly, I was shocked, shocked I tell you. I thought it was between California and the super-cute Miss Washington Elise Umemoto (pictured, right). In fact, Washington was second runner up, so my instincts weren't entirely off. I thought Michigan's talent was clearly the worst (let's just say Over the Rainbow should be banned from pageant competition) and she really didn't excel anywhere else, in my obviously flawed opinion.

I was also shocked when my other girl, the lovely and talented Miss South Carolina Crystal Garret (right) only made the top 16! I just knew it was her year, but alas, it was not to be. She only got to do swimsuit before being sent packing but she was ladylike, demure and didn't skank it up like some of those other girls. She didn't win, but she kept her dignity. Frankly, I think they should bring back one-piece suits, but I guess that's not happening.

If I have one big gripe about this year's pageant it's eliminations. In some mis-guided attempt to turn Miss America into a reality show, they culled the field by calling out the names of the eliminated girls, instead of the girls who were going on, kind of like the end of Project Runway. What hack Learning Channel production assistant thought up that brilliant idea? During the talent competition, for no discernible reason, they announced that two of the girls would be eliminated, even though all ten were on stage in their cheesy costumes, ready to roll. Poor Miss Iowa was left standing there, batons in hand and no place to go. Then Miss Georgia got the ax. This was the worst Miss America moment since Bert Parks got fired. Focus on the winners, people, not the losers. It just wasn't dignified.

But, the tradition lives on, even if it's on The Learning Channel, in January instead of September,and in Vegas instead of Atlantic City. There she is, walking on air she is.

And Then There Was One?

Reportedly, Mittens is not buying any TV spots in any of the Super Tuesday states. Sounds like the money's drying up and he'll throw in the towel on Super Wednesday. That will leave McCain as the Republican nominee.

On the Dem side, Obama is within 3 points of Hillary in California, a state that she supposedly had sewn up a month ago. Of course the polls also predicted she would loose big in New Hampshire and she pulled it out. She's a slugger. I really hope the Democratic picture is still murky after Super Tuesday because then my vote in the Texas primary in March might actually mean something. For the past 7 years, being a Democrat in Texas has felt like loosing my right to vote.

Hillary,Obama Banging Edwards

His doors, anyway. John Edwards' campaign manager, Joe Trippi (remember him? The mastermind behind Howard Dean's brilliant juggernaut on 2004?) has said that Hillary and Obama are "banging down the doors" for Edwards' endorsement. Lately, Obama has been raking them in with endorsements from Caroline Kennedy, Ted Kennedy, Patrick Kennedy, The Dead Kennedys*, that Kennedy girl from MTV*, and everybody else on earth named Kennedy, while Hillary has gotten the endorsement of...uh...Patty Murray! Let's face it, Hillary could use a high profile endorsement. You can bet she's offering Edwards everything from Attorney General to Supreme Court Justice to a boy's night out with Bill to get his support. It will be interesting to see who gets the nod.

*Probably not true.

Multi-Faceted Ruby

The best moment of the SAG awards was Ruby Dee's win for Best Female Supporting Actor. I know I'm a bit late with this, but I've been sick and I'm behind on all my posting.

Ruby's win was the closest thing to an upset, as Cate Blanchette was the favorite. This gives Ruby a big advantage going into the Oscars next month. I kinda sorta predicted this. OK, not really, but I'm glad to see this great lady get her due.

Edwards, Rudy Out

The prettiest of pretty boys and the ugliest of the fear mongers are out. John Edwards (he would be the pretty one) has ended his populist campaign after a disappointing third-place finish in South Carolina. He had great ideas but never caught on. Too white, too male, too 2004.

No word on who, if anyone, he might endorse.

Il Duce 9iu11iani has dropped his Presidential bid after mustering about 37 votes total in Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina, Florida combined. I can't imagine why he didn't catch on since golly, he was on TV on 9/11 and on the cover of Time magazine and everything. I guess "Vote for Me Or Die" wasn't the best choice of campaign slogans.

Reportedly, he intends to endorse McCain.

Margaret Truman Daniel

Margaret Truman Daniel, only child of President Harry Truman, has died at the age of 83. As a young woman, she performed as an opera singer, and a bad review in 1950 brought a famously stinging letter from the President, threatening the critic's nose. In later life, she married Clifton Daniel who would become editor of the New York Times, and she became quite successful as a novelist, mainly murder mysteries set in Washington.

Monday's Man: Javier Bardem

Bardem won a SAG award last night as Best Supporting Male Actor for No Country for Old Men and his Spanish hotness was there to accept.

Unfortunately, fully dressed, but still.

Obama Wins Big in SC

Sen. Obama won the South Carolina Democratic primary with an impressive 55% of the vote. 80% of black voters of all ages voted for Obama, with the remainder mostly voting for Hillary. Among white voters, those over 40 were split between Hillary and John Edwards, but 40% of the white voters under 40 went with Obama. That's a huge number in racially polarized South Carolina, and speaks volumes about his appeal to younger voters. Hillary's vaunted strength among women failed her here with only 2 out of 10 black women and 4 in 10 white women voting for her. 33% of the Democratic electorate in SC consists of black women making them the key demographic, and they made themselves heard.

I gave these statistics because South Carolina is a place that's all about race. The Confederate flag still flies on the State House grounds, for God's sake. I believe the racially tinged bickering was an incredibly stupid move for camp Clinton. Obama would have won anyway, but Hillary could have had a more credible showing had race been left out of it. Further, this will not be forgotten in other states and could weaken her campaign in the long run. She needs to reign in her husband ASAP and do some serious fence mending. It seems she's already doing that, making special efforts with black voters in Tennessee.

In other news, Caroline Kennedy endorsed Obama today in an editorial in the New York Times titled "A President Like My Father."

Hillary's Bad Advice

If Hillary has an Achilles heel, it's relying on old-school Democrats who hold grudges and give bad advice. Case in point, The State, the largest newspaper in South Carolina, recently endorsed Obama for the Democratic nomination, citing him as the candidate most likely to unify America. Why didn't they endorse Hillary? For one thing, she never accepted the paper's invitations to sit down for an interview. She did this on the advice of Don Fowler, former chairman of the DNC during Bill Clinton's re-election campaign in 1996 and a power in South Carolina Democratic politics for years.

Fowler wrote a snippy email to the paper's political columnist comparing The State rendering judgment on Democrats to "Lucifer rendering judgments about angels." Fowler followed it up with a phone call in which he said he advised Hillary not to sit down with the paper's editorial board because it would be a waste of time. "No chance in the world that you and your crowd would ever endorse a Clinton for anything."

Way to alienate the largest newspaper in a crucial battleground state, Don. The State is certainly a conservative paper, as are virtually all papers in South Carolina. But that does not mean that a candidate should ignore it. Fowler may be right that they would not have endorsed Hillary, but dealing with them professionally and giving a positive interview could have effected their coverage of Clinton's campaign in positive ways. Now, the Clinton camp has created a powerful enemy and generated needless bad publicity.

This was petty and Hillary should have seen that.

NY Times Endorses Hillary

The New York Times today endorsed Hillary for the Democratic nomination, citing her deep intellect, experience, and the specificity of her plans for America. Here's an excerpt:

When we endorsed Mrs. Clinton in 2006, we were certain she would continue to be a great senator, but since her higher ambitions were evident, we wondered if she could present herself as a leader to the nation.

Her ideas, her comeback in New Hampshire and strong showing in Nevada, her new openness to explaining herself and not just her programs, and her abiding, powerful intellect show she is fully capable of doing just that. She is the best choice for the Democratic Party as it tries to regain the White House.

Love Story

Kenneth in the 212 has an amazing retrospective on Ryan O'Neal that I can't recommend highly enough. If your heart ever skipped a beat over the breathtaking Mr. O'Neal in Love Story or What's Up Doc, go read it and swoon.

Quantum of Solace

That's the name of the next James Bond film. Seriously, it is. But, if Daniel Craig's in it, they could call it Showgirls II and I'd go see it.

Obama Mixing Religion and Politics at Expense of Gays

I am trying to like Sen. Obama since he very well may win the nomination, but things keep happening to give me pause. There was the Donnie McClurkin flap in the fall, when the Obama campaign used the virulently anti-gay activist and gospel singer to headline a series of rallies in South Carolina. Even after McClurkin's extremist views were made known, he was kept on the roster and turned an Obama event into a giant ex-gay rally, with a coliseum of people cheering their endorsement of war against homosexuality. Then, in a bizarrely mis-guided attempt to placate the gays, the campaign issued a statement featuring in all caps, "MCCLURKIN DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE GAYS AND LESBIANS WHO ARE HAPPY WITH THEIR LIVES AND HAS CRITICIZED CHURCH LEADERS WHO DEMONIZE HOMOSEXUALS."

How patronizing. How ignorant. This is not something this happy homosexual can easily get past.

There was never an apology from Sen. Obama, but then on the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday, he gave an inspiring speech at Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta in which he said "We have scorned our gay brothers and sisters instead of embracing them." It was wonderful, truly, and I'm glad he's speaking on our behalf. He gave us a sentence. However, on the same day, more troubling information emerged. He was endorsed by the Rev. Kirbyjon Caldwell, a prominent preacher in Houston who has been a strong supporter of President Bush. Caldwell said that he was asked by the Obama campaign to travel around the country on the Senator's behalf. The only problem with that is Caldwell's church prominently featured an ex-gay ministry that promised to help "those seeking freedom from homosexuality, lesbianism, prostitution, sex addiction and other habitual sins." I say "featured" in past tense because as soon as links to the hate site were posted on several blogs, it was promptly taken down.

So, we've gone from Happy Homosexuals to habitual sinners. This is not progress.

The Obama campaign told John Aravosis of Americablog that Caldwell "has not and will not" do anything for the campaign. OK, fine. But not so fast. According to the Washington Times, Caldwell appeared at a big event in Charleston, SC in December, has campaigned for Obama for the past year, and was featured on the "People of Faith for Obama" page on the campaign web site. Caldwell is no longer featured. Interesting.

To be fair, I must say that Obama has a good record on gay equality and his positions on gay rights are as good as any Democratic candidate, other than Kucinich. However, I am troubled that the campaign seems to be playing both sides against the middle, appealing to homophobes while telling little white lies to the gays to keep us in line. Reaching out to bigots does not bring people together and extremist anti-gay views should not be ignored by a progressive presidential candidate. It is appropriate to judge a man by the company he keeps and Obama has been keeping some questionable company. If and when Obama becomes president, the anti-gay bigots will not simply go away. They will continue to seek to influence President Obama and expect payback for their efforts to get him elected.

Most troubling to me is the mixing of religion and politics. I know that all politicians visit churches and seek endorsements from prominent religious leaders. But when Obama allowed Donnie McClurkin to preach at his rally, he was engaging in Republican style Christianism. Religion and politics are toxic to each other and Obama is walking a very fine line. I hope he will back away from the pulpit.

Heath Ledger: 1979 - 2008

More is known today about yesterday's sudden death of Heath Ledger. He was found unconscious on the floor of his bedroom by his housekeeper who was unable to wake him. There was a bottle of prescription sleeping pills on a nearby table, but earlier reports that pills were scattered around his body are apparently false. In fact, his housekeeper said she heard him snoring a little over two hours earlier. New York police are saying that there were no apparent signs of suicide and suspect that the death was accidental. An autopsy will be performed today to determine the cause.

Heath Ledger was a child actor in his native Australia, and came to Hollywood in 1999 and starred in the teen comedy 10 Things I Hate About You. After that, he purposely avoided teen films, holding out for meatier rolls. He appeared in The Patriot in 2000 and A Knight's Tale in 2001, which banked heavily on his good looks and led to a memorably sexy Vanity Fair cover.

His fight to "get the blond out of my career" paid off with a powerful performance as Billy Bob Thornton's troubled son in Monster's Ball, and culminated in his triumph as Ennis Del Mar in 2005's Brokeback Mountain. His painfully honest performance was an eloquent condemnation of the sin of the closet and the steep personal price of bigotry and intolerance. It earned him a well-deserved Oscar nomination.

More recently, he played a version of Bob Dylan in I'm Not There and the Joker in the soon to be released Dark Knight.

He is survived by his two-year old daughter, Matilda Rose.

Heath Ledger Dead

Heath Ledger was found dead today in his Manhattan apartment. A housekeeper was unable to wake him and pills were found scattered around his body. He was 28 years old.

I don't have the words.

Throw Down in Myrtle Beach

Did you watch the Democratic Debate last night from Myrtle Beach? I think Hillary and Obama threw back a few tequila shots at the Afterdeck before hitting the podium because baby, the shit went down.

Obama was all "I'm through taking crap from your has-been husband." Hillary was all "Yeah? Well my husband's not here, you bring it to me, mister, if you got the guts.

And he had the guts.

The best trash-talking moment (not an actual transcript):

Hillary: If you love Reagan so much, who don't you just become a Republican, asshole?

Obama: I could become a Republican and still beat your ass. And I never said I love Reagan. I said Reagan had bigger balls than your husband.

Hillary: I'm calling you on your bull, Mr. "Republicans are the party with all the good ideas."

Obama: Stop your lying, bitch. You know I only said the Republicans were a party that had ideas, 15 years ago. I never said they were good.

Hillary: Oh yeah? Well you represented a slumlord! Snap!

Obama: You think you're hot shit? You were on the board of WAL MART! SAAAANAP!

Edwards: This is supposed to be a three-way debate.

Obama and Hillary together: Shut your stupid mouth, white boy!

Seriously, though, Bill Clinton needs to tone down the Obama-bashing. It reflects poorly on Hillary, looks a lot like racial politics, and only serves to benefit Obama. Bill's greatest legacy is his "first black president" claim. Is he going to toss that aside at the first sign of trouble with Hillary's campaign? It's time for Hillary to reign him in. I do not think Hillary came out a winner after last night's debate. I would like to see all Democrats stop the personal attacks and concentrate on making sure no Republican sneaks back into the White House.

Thompson Quits!

You mean he was actually running?

Best Bush Pic Ever

Pretty much sums it up, doesn't it? The white girl doesn't look too thrilled, either.

Oscar, Bloody Oscar

The Oscar Nominations were announced this morning and it's all about blood and guts and butch men and movies nobody has seen. Just like last year! Let's chat.

Best Supporting Actress

• Cate Blanchett for I'm Not There
  
• Ruby Dee for American Gangster
• Saorise Ronan for Atonement
• Amy Ryan for Gone Baby Gone
• Tilda Swinton for Michael Clayton

Let's face it, Best Supporting Actress usually turns out to be Best Supporting Babe. Think Kim Basinger, Rachel Weitz, Rene Zellweger, and Marisa Tomei beating out a dream team of distinguished veterans. Don't get me wrong, I think Marisa and Kim totally deserved their honors (Rachel and Rene are debatable) but this is Hollywood Babeland and a nice rack beats experience every time. So, too bad Ruby. You are way overdue for recognition and I'd love to see you win, but Cate's got all the buzz. If Cate doesn't win, that kid from Atonement with a funny name could pull it out because they love to give kids Oscars in this category. You know, in hopes that she'll become a babe in a few years.

Winner: Cate Blanchette
Possible Dark Horse: Saorise Ronan

Best Supporting Actor

Casey Affleck for The Assassination of Jesse James blah blah
Jarvier Bardim for No Country for Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman for Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook for Into the Wild
Tom Wilkinson for Michael Clayton

This category has a tendency to be the Geezer Lifetime Achievement Award. Think Jack Palance, Don Ameche, Our Man Flint, and on and on. That would seem to give Hal Holbrook an edge for his touching performance in Into the Wild. But this year, Bardim has all the buzz for his unsettling performance and it would be a huge upset for anyone else to win. Casey Affleck, the hottest little guy ever, will not win because young actors never win in this category. Give it a few decades, Casey. This was not Hoffman's best performance, but he's here because the Academy has gotten in the habit of nominating him. Wilkinson, like Holbrook, is a deserving senior, but the Sexy Spaniard will take it.

Winner: Jarvier Bardim
Possible Dark Horse: Hal Holbrook

Best Actress

Cate Blanchette for Elizabeth The Golden Age
Julie Christie for Away from Her
Marion Cotillard for La Vie en Rose
Laura Linney for The Savages
Ellen Page for Juno

Laura Linney was a nice surprise here and jaws dropped as La Jolie was snubbed, but I think they got it right. Angie never connected with her co-stars in A Mighty Heart and seemed to be floating in a sea of her own Jolieness. Laura Linney was terrific and dared the audience not to like her. It's a deserving nomination.

This category has it's own babelicious tendencies - think Charleze, Halle, Nicole, but this year belongs to Julie Christie who, come to think of it, is still pretty babelicious after all these years. Her only real competition comes from Marion Cotillard who blew me away as Edith Piaf. The Academy loves bio-pics, which could put her over the top, but it would be an upset if anyone other than Christie won this year. Some pundits have said Ellen Page has a chance if Christie and Cotillard split the vote and the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, but get real. She was cute, but it's not happening. Kids win in supporting categories.

Winner: Julie Christie
Possible Dark Horse: Marion Cotillard

Best Actor

George Clooney for Michael Clayton
Daniel Day Lewis for There Will be Blood
Johnny Depp for Sweeney Todd
Tommy Lee Jones for The Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen for Eastern Promises

Jones and Clooney are the only nominees who didn't play violent sociopaths in this bloody category, and neither will win. Jones was a nice surprise, though, since his film flopped months ago. Viggo would win for best cock, but this is the Oscars not the gay porn awards, unfortunately. DDL has all the buzz and will certainly win, though Depp could pull an upset since he's overdue for a win and killed a ton of people.

Winner: Daniel Day Lewis
Possible Dark Horse: Johnny Depp

Best Picture

Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will be Blood

This is a year for violent, uber macho movies, so Atonement, Juno and Michael Clayton are out of the mix. There Will be Blood is the clear front runner, but No Country for Old Men is a real contender. I'm a little grossed out by all this macho posturing, and frankly not that interested in this category this year. Like last year, a violent movie that nobody saw will win.

Winner: There Will be Blood
Possible Dark Horse: No Country for Old Men

Those are my brave, edgy, totally cool predictions. What do you think?

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Go read Junior's post on commemorating the day, and do what he says. It's a beautifully appropriate way to celebrate the legacy.

Monday's Man: James Marsden

Square-jawed James Marsden's new movie 27 Dresses opened this weekend to scathing reviews but who cares? Just feast your eyes.

Hillary Wins Nevada Caucus

Hillary won the Nevada caucus yesterday in a narrow victory over Obama. Don't ask me to explain how the Nevada causus works because I do not understand this truly bizarre system. While Hillary won the vote, Obama actually ended up with more delegates. They can both claim a victory, but it's a win in Hillary's column, with more momentum going into the South Carolina Democratic primary next Saturday.

Oh yeah, Mittens won the Republican caucus in Nevada, but he was the only one who really campaigned there so, big deal.

Check out that stunning red suit she's wearing. I say she should save that one for inaguration day.

Huckabee Looses South Carolina!

Oh yeah, and McCain won. The big news for me, though is that the Huckster couldn't manage a victory in my home state, Thank God. If a lowlife panderer like Mike Huckabee had actually won, I would have pretended that I grew up somewhere else. It was close, though. McCain got 33% of the vote to Huckabee's 30%, but a win is a win and Huckabee LOST. Where was your Jesus yesterday, huh cracker boy?

I know I sound petty but this piece of Arkansas trash deserves no better. Let's review:

Supporting the racist rednecks who want the Confederate flag to fly over the statehouse? Check.

Demonizing gays by comparing our loving relationships to dog fucking? Check.

Declaring that he wants to re-write the Constituition to bring it in line with the Bible (the white folks Southern Baptist Bible)? Check.

So much pandering to the lowest common demoninator, and he still lost.

Suck it, Jesus freak!

Seriously, Huckabee is a threat to gays, a threat to African-Americans, a threat to women, a threat to all religious people other than white, fundamentalist southern Baptists who are incapable of independent thought. I hope and pray that his campaign is permanently derailed and he can join George Wallace as an ugly footnote in American Presidential history.

I know many liberal bloggers wanted him to win in South Carolina so the Republicans would be deprived of a front runner and remain confused and divided as long as possible, but I disagreed. I felt that the spectre of a Huckabee presidency posed such a serious threat to democracy that he had to be stopped as soon as possible. If he can't win in an overwhelmingly conservative, religious state like South Carolina, he can't win anywhere, Iowa notwithstanding.

Suzanne Pleshette - 1937-2008

Suzanne Pleshette has died of lung cancer at the too-young age of 70. A smart, sexy dame with a spark of intelligence in her eyes, she was always the most interesting person on screen, no matter what role she played. She appeared in numerous films, most famously The Birds, but is probably known best as Emily Hartley, Bob Newhart's wife on his long-running sitcom. More recently, she was perfectly cast as Karen Walker's mother on Will and Grace. She is irreplacable.

Huck Running for President of CSA

Every time I think Huckabee couldn't be any more disgusting, sink any lower, and pander to an uglier constituency, he proves me wrong. Now, he's trolling for votes among the trolls who want the Confederate flag to fly atop the South Carolina statehouse.

The Confederate flag controversy has been brewing for years. SC was the last state to take it down from the statehouse, but in an ill-advised compromise, it continues to fly on the statehouse grounds. This is an issue for which there is no room for compromise. Either it's offensive and has no place in the public sphere or it's not. It is long past time to take it down.

In 2000, while campaigning in the state, McCain said the issue should be left up to the people of SC. This year, he has called that position "an act of cowardice" and has been very clear in his belief that the rebel flag should not be flown anywhere on the statehouse grounds. As a result, he's been followed around by a gang of mouth-breathers waiving rebel flags. Frankly, I believe this only makes McCain a stronger candidate and clearly reveals the sort of assholes who want the stars and bars to waive.

If you think that surely in 2008 all Presidential candidates would support removing an offensive vestige of an ugly past, you would be wrong. Man of God, the Reverend Huckabee, is only too eager to pander to the unreconstructed Confederates. Here's what he had to say in Myrtle Beach and again in Florence:

"You don't like people from outside the state coming and telling you how you oughta raise your kids. You don't like people coming from outside the state coming down and telling you what you want to do with your flag."

"In fact, if someone came to the state of Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we'd tell them where to put the pole - that's what we'd do."

"Tell them where to put the pole." Har de har har. What a razor sharp wit this guy has, huh? He's certainly walking the walk of Jesus, yessur.

And he might actually win.

I called my parents in SC last night. Despite my best efforts, they're still Republican. I wanted to make sure they don't vote for Huckabee. I didn't think they would be attracted by such a trashy, common, low-life, and they aren't. They're voting for McCain. I can live with that.

Jeri Thompson Fashion Watch

As that juggernaught known as Fred Thompson '08! keeps plowing through South Carolina, racking up poll numbers in the high single digets, his lovely wife Jeri, who was probably over 18 when she married the Law and Order hunk, continues wowing the housefraus with her just-home-folks fashion sense. Here she is on a culinary tour of West Columbia in a fetching Republican Cloth Coat in Nancy Reagan Red. Note that she's ditched the red stilettos in favor of a pair of tasteful, dove-gray open-toe Jimmy Choos. A sensible choice for a sensible gal! Add some sparkling new highlights and a Fred for Pres button and she's ready for lunch!

Watch out for the chit'lins!

Huckabee Equates Marriage Equality with Bestiality

Just when you think the Reverend Dr. Governor Huckabee has sunk as low as he can possibly go, he just keeps right on digging. In an interview on Beliefnet, he said the following:

QUESTIONER: Is it your goal to bring the Constitution into strict conformity with the Bible? Some people would consider that a kind of dangerous undertaking, particularly given the variety of biblical interpretations.

HUCKABEE: Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again. I think the radical position is to make a change in what’s been historic.

Emphasis added by Talking Points Memo.

So, in his way of thinking, a marriage of two men or women is directly equivalent to dog fucking. Is there any other way to read this? Do you think the true believers who are supporting this shyster would read this any differently? Certainly he meant to create the dual images in his followers' heads of two men at the alter and a man fucking a dog.

So, Huckabee thinks my marriage, my life, my love is akin to dog fucking.

Just as soon as we allow the Godless secular progressives to change the definition of marriage and allow two men to marry, there will be an epidemic of human-canine copulation coast to coast. What other result could there possibly be?

What is it with these fundamentalists and bestiality? They always go straight from gay marriage to dog fucking, do not pass go, just go fuck a dog. There is some seriously sick projection going on here.

Huckabee is Beyond Parody

Remember yesterday when I posted a parody of Huckabee's push-polling robo calls in South Carolina? I thought I was really over the top, but it turns out I didn't go far enough. South Carolinians began receiving charming calls on behalf of the Reverend Huckster that accuse Senator McCain of supporting "experiments on unborn children." That's right, according to Huckabee, John McCain, United States Senator, war hero, man of integrity, is no better than Josef Mengele, Nazi butcher.
Think about that one for a minute. Think about Huckabee's pious claims to be a Man of God. Think about how the press has portrayed him as a super-nice, bass-playin' fella. Then think about what sort of person would smear an honorable man in such a way. That's the man all the so-called Christians are lining up to vote for.

Mike Huckabee has no honor.

Clinton/Obama '08?

The possibility has occurred to Dan Savage. Read it and see what you think.

Sounds like a dream ticket to me.

Huck's Push Pollers to Git a Hurtin'

South Carolina has been overrun with robo-call push polling in favor of God's Own Candidate, the Reverend Huckabee. In case you're unfamiliar with this Holy tactic, it works like this. An automated voice asks if you're voting in the Republican primary. If you press 1 for yes, it then asks you who you're supporting. If you, say, press 3 for Fred Thompson, a recording says something like this:

"Did you know that Fred Thompson secretly performs abortions on Hollywood starlets while simultaneously fellating members of the Hollywood homosexual Jewish mafia? Mike Huckabee wants America to honor the Word of the Living God by stoning all women who get abortions and sentencing abortion doctors to be mauled by live tigers."

(not an actual transcript and Fred Thompson does not actually perform abortions or fellate Hollywood power brokers, but the real calls aren't much more subtle).

There have been thousands of these calls and it turns out that there's actually a law against automated phone calls in South Carolina, according to Attorney General Henry McMaster. McMaster has vowed to "put a hurting" on whomever is responsible.

"Put a hurting." Ain't that cute and homespun and all.

The Reverend Huckabee, who cannot tell a lie because he loves Jesus more than anybody, denies all knowledge of push-polls on his behalf and is shocked! shocked! that such shenanigans are going on. I would almost believe that wasn't a lie except for two things: 1) Huckabee was moving his lips and 2) Pro-Huckabee push-polling has gone on in every state in play so far.

Brad Renfro Dead at 25

The actor was found dead in his home Tuesday and the cause has not been determined. Renfro was an unknown Tennessee kid when he was cast opposite Susan Sarandon in the 1993 film The Client. His other films include Sleepers and Ghost World. He had just completed a new film, The Informers, with Winona Rider, Billy Bob Thornton, and Brandon Routh.

What a sad end to a short, troubled life.

Mittens Wins the Gold

Well I sure didn't call that one. Mitt-don't-know-shit managed to pull one out in the state where his daddy was governor. Mittens Romney has won the Michigan primary with a solid 39% of the vote, with McCain at 30%. The Reverend Doctor Governor Huckabee trailed badly with a weak 16% which obviously means God will punish Michigan with plagues of locusts.

One of the gum flappers on cable news last night said Mittens did really well with voters who don't like Dubya, voters who want the war to end, and voters who want abortion to be legal. Why aren't these people Democrats? Oh wait, they are! Led by Daily Kos, those crazy netroots folks whipped up Mittmentum for Michigan, urging Democrats to cross over and vote Mitt in the GOP primary. Why? Because a Mitt win muddles the Republican contest even further, and now they are going into Nevada and South Carolina with no clear front runner. The longer these people keep fighting each other, the less time they have to fight the Democrats. Get it? It worked.

There was more good news for Democrats in Michigan. Turnout was quite low, echoing the lack of enthusiasm for Republicans that we've already seen in Iowa and New Hampshire. The weather wasn't good, but let's face it. People are excited about Obama and Hillary. Mittens and McCain? Not so much.

What's next? The Nevada caucuses are anybody's guess. Then there's the Palmetto Primary, where I fear a Huckster victory. Anyway you look at it, though, the Republican field is wide open through Super Tuesday and maybe beyond. That is nothing but good for the Dems.

Huckabee: Conform Constitution to Bible

Mike Huckabee is now completely open about his theocratic dreams for America. At a campaign event in Michigan last night, he explained his support for Constitutional amendments banning abortion and same-sex marriage as follows:

"it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God."

"What we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than trying to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view of how we treat each other and how we treat the family."

And who will decide what "God's standards" are? Why Mike Huckabee, of course. Scared yet?

I wonder what the mainstream press will do with this story. Expose it to the clear light of day? Run from it in fear of offending someone? Guess.

Michigan Republican Primary Today!

The Republicans are stumping in Mo-Town, er maybe Grosse Pointe, but they're battling it out for votes in the Wolverine State! Get GOP Fever! Republicans 08! Status Quo for the Tens!

Hello? Hello? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?

Is CNN even there?

I guess in election year 2008, if a ballot doesn't have Hillary and Obama on it, nobody really cares. And that's a good thing.

Just for shits and grins, let's talk Michigan. Because the state Democratic party moved up their primary in violation of party rules, the national Democratic party is not recognizing the Democratic primary there. Or something. Whatever. What it really means is Michigan today is all about the losers, and by losers I mean Republicans. According to the polls, McCain and Romney are battling it out for first place, with the Huckster trailing in third place. These are the same pollsters who called New Hampshire, so that probably means Bob Dole will win in a landslide.

Anyhoo, I think McCain will win sending Mitt-don't-know-shit back to Plasticville. I'm fine with that. The Republican base hates McCain because he's not sufficiently Jesusey, he opposes a Constitutional amendment to screw the gays (although he opposes marriage equality), he opposed the Bush tax cuts for the rich, and he is opposed to torture, and we all know that torturing brown people is a hallowed plank of the Republican platform. He's also the only Republican running with a shred of honor and integrity. Hey, maybe I should vote for him. Oh wait, he also loves the war and wants American solders in Iraq for the next 1,000 years, give or take. OK, maybe I won't vote for him. But he's not bad for a Republican.

Globes Snoozefest

Yes, I actually watched the Golden Globes announcements/press conference/whatever it was. I tuned into the ABC version, which featured the not-nearly-cute-enough-to-be-such-a-dick Billy Bush and the lovely and talented former Miss South Carolina and early Project Runway promoter Nancy O'Dell. It also featured an occasional "insider" bit from gayly cute Dave Karger of Entertainment Weekly.


It was an exceedingly dull hour which I sat through only for you, dear readers. Both of you. You're welcome

Remember my predictions? I didn't do too badly. Here goes.

Best Supporting Actress. I predicted Cate Blanchette for I'm Not There. Winner: Cate Blanchette.

Best Actress Musical or Comedy: I predicted Marion Cotillard for La Vie en Rose. Winner: Marion Cotillard. I think this film was a drama about a musician, not a musical and certainly not a comedy. What do you think? Talk among yourselves.

Best Supporting Actor: I predicted Jarvier Bardim for No Country for Old Men. Winner: Jarvier Bardim. I was ROBBED I tell you, ROBBED of hearing that sexy Spanish accent give a drunken acceptance speech. The writers strike stops being a joke when I can't droll over Javier Bardim on the red carpet. Start talking people and fix this thing!

Best Actor Comedy or Musical. I predicted Johnny Depp for Sweeney Todd. The winner: Johnny Depp.

Best Picture Musical or Comedy. I predicted Sweeney Todd. The Winner: Sweeney Todd. Actually, I made my prediction before I saw Sweeney. Now I think Hairspray should have won.

Best Actress Drama. I predicted Julie Christie for Away From Her. Winner: Julie Christie. She and Cotillard are locks for Oscar noms. They're in a league of their own. Keira Knightley may have rocked the green gown in Atonement, but she can't hold a candle to these two.

Best Actor Drama. I predicted Viggo Mortensen for Eastern Promises. The Winner: Daniel Day Lewis for There Will Be Blood. Doh! Missed one! I haven't seen either movie, though, and based my prediction purely on hotness.

Best Picture Drama. I predicted Atonement. The Winner: Atonement! Yay. Not because I loved the movie that much, but because I went 1 for 8 in my predictions. Not too shabby.

I know James McAvoy didn't win anything, but I wanted to throw in a pic of him anyway. Sue me.

I didn't make any predictions for the 1,000 or so TV categories, but here were a few high points.

Junior's mom will be glad that Katherine Heigl lost to Samatha Morton for supporting actress in a drama for some show I've never seen.

Billy Bush was a little too pleased when Jeremy Piven won for his "boutique show." Billy used the word "boutique" to describe every show but Grey's Anatomy. He's such an insida!

Mr. Hotness Jon Hamm won best actor in a TV drama for the gorgeous show Mad Men. If you haven't seen it, do.

David Duchovny won best actor in a comedy or something for a show I've never seen called Californication. Apparently, he gets naked. No word on any possible appearances of his legendary schlong, but I understand there are butt shots. Billy Bush was very excited by this win and said he has "never missed an episode." I'm sure you haven't, Billy.

Tina Fey won for best actress in a comedy. Love. Her.

That's it. No glitz, no glamor, no drunk stars making fools of themselves. If, God forbid, the Oscars face a similar fate, then I think they should cancel the Super Bowl as well. The Hets and Lesbians should be made to feel our pain.

Monday's Man: William Haines

As I've written before, William Haines is my hero. The Virginian went to Hollywood and became a major movie star of the 1920s and 30s. In fact, he was a top 5 box office attraction for 5 years running, and was one of the few stars to successfully make the transition from silents to talkies. Haines was a skilled actor, but his handsome face and nicely toned body certainly helped his rise to stardom. He displayed both to great effect in the 1925 film West Point co-starring his lifelong friend, Joan Crawford.

Film images from Cinema Cap Man.

Haines lived quite openly with his lover Jimmy Shields, even taking him to premieres and Hollywood parties. However, in 1933, Louis B. Mayer ordered him to drop Shields and enter into a sham marriage. This was around the same time that Cary Grant moved out of the house he shared with Randolph Scott and married for the first time. Mayer was demanding that Haines choose between love and career and Haines choose love. He refused to live a lie in a sham marriage. He was fired from MGM and made a few more films for minor studios before walking away from acting forever in 1934.

Haines and Shields opened an interior design business, which still exists, and quickly became the most sought-after designers in Beverly Hills. Their clients included Crawford and many other top stars. When Nancy Reagan needed some help with the Governor's Mansion, she naturally called Haines (thus reinforcing my theory that without gays, there would be no Nancy Reagan). Haines and Shields made a fortune and stayed together for the rest of their lives. In fact, Joan Crawford called them "the happiest married couple in Hollywood."

Death parted Haines and Shields when Haines died of lung cancer at the age of 73. Shields took his own life shortly thereafter and they were buried together.

William Haines figured out a way to live openly at a time when the consequences were quite serious. He chose love and integrity over fame and career and for that reason, he is a man I greatly admire.