Emmy's Night of Surprises

It was a night of upsets and first-time winners at last night's Emmys, thank God.  It's so much more fun when the unexpected happens, like Melissa McCarthy winning Outstanding (what ever happened to best?) Actress in a Comedy.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only repeat winner in the acting categories was Jim Parsons' win for Outstanding Actor in a Comedy.  The rest were either first-time Emmy winners or first-time in a respective category.  Here are my random thoughts, scribbled down in real time thorough a wine and ice cream haze:

The show's about to start!  Full glass of wine?  Check!  Bowl of Schweddy Balls?  Check!  Pen that actually has ink in it?  Check!  OK! We're ready!   

The show starts with Jane Lynch, who I love, love love, in an opening salute to television.  It's funny if overlong. 

I really love Jane's humor.  Nobody can do fake sincerity like she can.

Now, they're showing a tribute to all the current comedy shows. It's funny but overlong. 

Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel are doing an acceptance speech bit that's funny but overlong.  Am I sensing a trend? 

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy is Julie Bowen for Modern Family!  Not Betty White!  Not a Jane Lynch repeat!   Julie is a great choice, but I would have voted for Jane Krakowski just because I love her.  Julie's dress is way too plunging.  An acre of exposed sternum is not a good look.  

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy (OK, I'm already tired of typing out "outstanding."  I'm just gonna call it "best" from here on out).

It's Ty Burrell for Modern Family!  Another great choice, but I would have gone for Chris Colfer or Eric Stonestreet.

Best Comedy Directing (see how much better than flows than outstanding?) goes to Modern Family.  Will it be a Modern Family sweep?

Charlie Sheen comes out.  That took a heroic effort from the make-up people.  And the wig folks. 

He says something gracious about Two and a Half Men.  He introduces Best Lead Actor in a Comedy.  It's Jim Parsons from Big Bang Theory.  I like him even if I've never seen his show.

I love the random audience shots.  Jon Hamm looks bored out of his mind.   

Sophia Vergara and Rob Lowe are presenting Best Lead Actress in a Comedy.  That's almost too much beauty for one stage.  I feel like I shouldn't look. 
Sophia and Rob are announcing the nominated actresses.  OMG, Amy Poehler just ran up on stage when they called her name!  And here comes Melissa McCarthy!  And all of them!  How fun!  They're all holding hands just like at Miss America. 

The winner is Melissa McCarthy for Mike and Molly!  Rob Lowe is putting a crown on her head and she is handed a bouquet of roses.  This is the most fun anybody has had at an awards show in years.  Great idea, ladies.  Best moment of the show.

Now they're doing a bit about The Office with actors from different shows walking in.  It's funny if overlong.

Amazing Race wins for best realityyyyzzzzzzzz.  

Best Writing for Variety, Comedy, or Barbershop went to The Daily Show With Jon Stewart.

It's the SNL nominated songs reenacted live!  Including a newly-cool Michael Bolton as Jack Sparrow.  This is like the perfect spoof of every musical number at every awards show ever.

Lea Michele and Ian Somerhalder are presenting.  He still hasn't washed his hair.  Directing for Variety, Comedy, or Documentary Short Subject went to SNL.

Scott Caan is the hottest short guy evah!  Anna Paquin looks good, too. 

Best Variety, Wrestling, or Gospel program went to The Daily Show With Jon Stewart.

Now it's on to Drama!  I know that because there's a dramatic yet overly long montage of every drama show on TV.

Jane Lynch:  "Welcome back to the 'Modern Family' awards. We’ve decided to throw them into the drama category to see what happens.”

It's Ashton Kutcher with long hair.  He's with "that guy from Pretty in Pink."  Ashton is way too old for that look (19 would be too old for that look), but on a certain level, it works for me.  Don't tell anybody I said that. 

Drama writing goes to Friday Night Lights. 

Supporting Actress in a Drama is Margo Martindale!  What a great character actress.  This gal has paid her dues and it's so nice to see her recognized. 

Loretta Divine certainly is.  Plus, she's an Emmy winner!  She won for Best Guest Actress on a Drama.  Best direction of a drama goes to Martin Scorsese for Boardwalk Empire.  This is his 8th nomination and 1st win.  Who on earth has been beating him all this time? 

Kerry Washington and Jason O'Mara present Supporting Actor Drama.  It goes to Peter Dinklage for Game of Thrones.  He seems like a super-cool guy.  It's great to see veteran actors get over-due acclaim.

It's dreamy Anderson Cooper doing a "news report" about New Jersey taking over TV.  Jane's pre-taped bit as Jersey Housewife/Mafia Wife/etc is OK.  Not her best.

It's gazillion-Emmy winner Brian Cranston and an oddly sweaty-looking Katie Holmes.  Lead Actress in a Drama goes to Juiliana Margulies for The Good Wife.  It's her first Emmy since she won for Nurse Hathaway in 1995.  I can't decide if I love her dress or hate her dress.  That's good, right?

It's Drew Barrymore and the new Charlie's Angels!   Aren't they pretty?  Lead Actor Drama goes to Kyle Chandler for Friday Night Lights!  Two words:  Husband Material.

Drama is now over and Mad Men didn't win a thing. 

LL Cool J is rapping hotly.  He does everything hotly.

It's to movies and miniseries.  That means a compelling yet overlong montage of this seasons' movies and miniseries.

Jane Lynch:  "A lot of people are very curious about why I'm a lesbian.  Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of Entourage."  Best line of the night.

Writing goes to Downton Abbey!  Yay! Sir Julian Fellowes is tastefully accepting his award.  His wife is wearing a turban like only a Lady Something or Other could.

Her name is Emma Joy Kitchener and I think I'm in love.   
Best Supporting Actress goes to Dame Maggie Smith for Downton Abbey!  Sadly, she was unable to be with us tonight because she would have had a memorable acceptance speech.

Paula Abdul and Jane come out as accountants.  Cute bit.

It's Emmy winner Melissa McCarthy and Amy Poehler.  They do a funny bit about men finally breaking the glass ceiling in Hollywood.  Lead Actor in a miniseries goes to Barry Pepper for The Kennedys.  I think this qualifies as a big upset, particularly since nobody saw The Kennedys and nobody knows who Barry Pepper is.

Directing goes to Downton Abbey! 

It's the Death Reel.  Suddenly, there are singers coming down the aisle singing "Hallelujah."  Am I bad for wanting to laugh?  There's a fog machine, for God's sake.

David Boreanis and a pretty actress whose name I missed (it's getting late) announce Best Supporting Actor.  Guy Pierce for Mildred Pierce.  He's hot and he's working the nerd glasses.  He was "Junior Mr. Victoria" when he was a young bodybuilder.  He makes some tasteless comments about fake sex with Kate Winslet.

Hugh Lauire and sleek Claire Danes announce Best Actress is Kate Winslet!  She's thrilled and I really think those boobs are going to pop out of her too-tight dress. 

I always feel like Don Cheadle needs to lighten up.  He gives the best miniseries trophy to Downton Abbey!  Not Mildred Pierce!  Upset! 

Maria Bello and William H. Macy, who obviously shares a hair stylist with Ashton Kutcher, announce Best Drama Series.  It's Mad Men!  It's their first and only award of the night! 

Gwynnie comes out in her Miss Myrtle Beach get-up to present Best Comedy.  Modern Family!  Yay!  Everybody gets glitter bombed! 

It's Over!