Hello, dear Lazy Circles readers, here is my stream of (un)consciousness, jotted down in real-time as I watched the Oscars, at least, when I wasn't filling my guests' champagne glasses. And mine.
It's on! James Franco and Anne Hathaway are entering the nominated movies, Inception-style, with my next husband Alec Baldwin and Morgan Freeman. Nicely done, but why are they in Back to the Future?
The bit with James' and Anne's "mominees" in the audience is cute. Grandma Franco is a looker. One senses that the show might be better with her as a co-host.
What's that? Why it's Tara's Theme. Tara at sunset fills the stage. a "two-time Oscar winner" is about to be announced. OMG! Could it be Olivia de Havilland?!? Oh. It's Tom Hanks. He's fine and all, but why is he doing a tribute to Gone With the Wind? Wait a minute, now he's doing a tribute to Titanic. Same question. This doesn't seem to be working. Apparently, this is all for the cinematography award. I'm not sure this was fully thought out (ed. note, "not fully thought out" will be a recurring theme for the evening). The winner is Wally Pfister who is coming on stage with his readers on his forehead. This is the shot that will accompany your obit, buddy. Loose the glasses.
Kirk Douglas is presenting Best Supporting Actress. He's pretty funny. He's still got it.
As the names are announced, Melissa Leo looks like she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Big surprise, she won. She looks genuinely shocked. She's the only one.
The F-word! Oops!
She's going on and on. Can't blame her, but she's kind of a ham, especially when she mugs with Kirk's cane.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Official Snubbed Presenters, Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. What makes him so cute? He's kind of a nebbish, but incredibly F___able, know what I mean?
Justin does some lame bit with an app because the Oscars are, like, wired dude.
Animated short: The Last Thing.
Animated feature: Toy Story 3. That's almost as big a shock as Melissa Leo.
Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem in ice cream suits. That's a whole lot of man meat on one stage.
The Social Network wins screenplay. Aaron Sorkin starts off by comparing himself favorably to Paddy Chayefsky. No ego there.
Original screenplay goes to The King's Speech. Surprisingly, David Seidler doesn't compare himself to Shakespeare. Instead, the 73 year old says his father always said he'd be a late bloomer. Charm is so much more appealing than ego.
Anne Hathaway does a great job with a cute song about hot Hugh Jackman. She should be on Broadway, maybe in a show with Hugh Jackman!
James Franco in Drag!
Sounds like a great idea, but I can't say it really worked. Seems like a missed opportunity. Anne looks great, though.
Anne seems to be doing all the heavy lifting tonight. Does James Franco seem a little stoned to you?
Helen Mirren's gown is spectacular, as is her French. I'm not a Russell Brand fan, but when he's on-stage with Dame Helen, he's almost bearable. They present Best Foreign Film to In a Better World from Denmark.
Reese Witherspoon''s 60s hair and make-up are flawless.
Shockingly, Best Supporting Actor is Christian Bale. That's almost as shocking as Toy Story 3. I really don't like his beard. I love beards, but don't like his.
Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman are on-stage together. Beauty overload! I hope you'll forgive me for including this shot from Australia instead of something from last night.
Original Score goes to The Social Network. I must say, Trent and Atticus are certainly cute. Especially Trent.
ScarJo and McConaughey. That's a lotta hotness.
Sound Editing and Mixing, both to Inception.
My friend Beth hates Marisa Tomei's gown. In fact, Beth hates the dress, the hair, everything. Beth is also the only one in the room not drinking, but I digress. I like the neckline all right, but I have to agree with Beth about the rest.
The Goddess Cate Blanchett is giving the award for make up. Her comment on the Wolfman clip: "That's gross." Is "that's gross" a make up insider term? Wolfman wins.
The Costume award goes to Colleen Atwood for Alice in Wonderland, making her a 3-time winner.
President Obama likes As Time Goes By. That seems random, kind of like a lot of things this evening.
Kevin Spacey. Over him.
Randy Newman is performing a song that sounds like every song he's ever written. Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks so:
Mandy Moore has been resurrected and looks beautiful. I wondered why Zachary Levi was at the Oscars.
It's Jake! And Amy Adams and her green tumor necklace. Plus, Jake!
Best looking male presenter: Jake!
Live Action Short: God of Love.
Luke Matheny is stealing the show, even though he's sharing the stage with Jake! "I should have gotten a haircut. Adorable. Love him. Can he co-host next year?
Prepare yourselves, people. It's OPRAH!!! They are pulling out all the stops tonight.
Best doc is not Banksy. It's Inside Job. Presented by OPRAH!!!
Here's Billy Crystal. The audience seems to want him to take over, but he's just here to introduce a Bob Hope hologram. Shouldn't there be a Johnny Carson hologram, too? It's almost a tribute to former hosts, but it's not quite. Like everything else tonight, it's almost but not quite.
Jude Law is still drop-dead gorgeous. Robert Downey, Jr. is still annoying. Their bit about Downey's past actually works, which makes it a stand-out tonight.
Inception wins Visual Effects and The Social Network wins Film Editing. I feel like these awards were given out an hour ago.
JHud looks incredible. I'm so glad the Best Song performances are back.
Randy Newman won for the least distinguished song on the list.
Celine needs no introduction. She does a nice job with the death reel. Beth is horrified that they left off Corey Haim. Why the diss, Academy?
Very nice tribute to Lena Horne by Halle Berry.
It's Hilary Swank in feathers. Who needs more champagne?
Kathryn Bigelow is a beautiful woman, but that red sweater dress does her no favors.
Best Director: Tom Hooper for The King's Speech.
Annette Benning commands the stage. She is stunning tonight.
Jeff Bridges should tone down the grizzled look.
The shock of the night! Natalie Portman wins Best Actress! Almost as shocking as Christian Bale and Toy Story 3! I kid. It was deserved.
Sandra Bullock's little tribute to each Best Actor nominee was witty and fun. Maybe she can co-host next year with Like Matheny and Grandma Franco.
Colin Firth wins Best Actor for A Single Man. "I've a feeling my career just peaked." I love his wit. I love him. I love you Mr. Darcy!
Anne Hathaway's Armani Prive liquid metallic gown is beyond. I believe LC NY Bureau Chief Doug let her borrow it for the night. It looks better on you, Doug!
Spielberg is presenting Best Picture to The King's Speech. They kinda gave it away when the Best Picture clip reel featured Colin Firth's voice giving the actual king's speech over all the nominated films. I'd be pissed if I was a producer for, say, Winter's Bone.
The very handsome, beautifully groomed producer Iain Canning (top picture, in the middle), just thanked "my boyfriend, Ben." Lovely. Lucky Ben.
Whew. It was a marathon, but we did it! It's ov...oh wait. We have a chorus of kids from PS something or other singing Over the Rainbow. They're a You Tube sensation! See how hip the Oscars are?
OK, now it's over. Who wants more champagne?