I know most of you probably got the "White Rabbit: illusion in the title, but I thought I'd hit you over the head with it until you've lost all ability to discern subtlety, in the spirit of Smash.
This week's episode was entitled "Hell on Earth" and for once, I get it. First off, Tom discovers that gorgeous John the lawyer and perfect boyfriend is a Republican! Talk about hell on earth! So much for being a perfect boyfriend. I actually don't buy John as a gay Republican because he doesn't seem at all self-loathing or closeted. John talks Tom into going to a gay Republican fund raiser which was attended by roughly 50 times more tight-assed gay Republicans than exist in captivity, much less New York. Hell, I live in Dallas and I know maybe one gay Republican, and his ass is anything but tight, but I digress. John introduces a handsome young man who is a gay Republican actually running for Congress. Have these writers not been paying attention to the GOP primaries? If they'll boo a gay soldier in Afghanistan, what will they'll do to a gay Congressional candidate? Exorcism? Crucifixion? When was the last time you heard of a gay person running for office as a Republican? And I don't mean closeted.
So, Ivy and Sam the straight acting gay go to dinner and a gazillion prescription drug bottles fall out of Ivy's purse. Remember how sensitive she was to antibiotics? Well, overnight she's Neely O'Hara with a bag full of DOLLS. Sam is concerned. He's a good guy, like everyone in the Sam Club.
Ivy arrives late for an orange juice commercial audition - because of the DOLLS! She literally bumps into Karen Cartwright because New York is such a small town, you know. A voice off camera says of Karen, "she really nailed it." Curses! Foiled by Karen again! When they bump into each other, they drop their Jackie O sunglasses and accidentally switch them. If you think this will prove to be a crucial plot point, you've been paying attention.
The wasted Brian d'Arcy James figures out that Julia's been cheating on him because he finds a particularly emotional new song she's written. I know, but just go with it. He confronts her. She cries and feels really guilty. He stalks out of the house which takes a while because their New York home is the size of San Simeon.
Michael Riedel of the New York Post has a surprisingly well-acted cameo as himself. Eileen invites a new director to dinner and Michael just happens by. Naturally, it's in the Post the next day and Derek is totally pissed. That Eileen. She knows how to grab a man by the balls.
Do you read Michael Riedel in The Post? You really must because he's deliciously bitchy.
Ellis, the conniving - but straight! - assistant, has now become Eileen's full-time assistant. Eileen and Derek are looking for a star to play Marilyn. Ellis realizes he knows the gay manager of a star they're considering. Ellis offers his body to the gay manager in exchange for a phone call from said star to Eileen the next day. We don't see Ellis debase himself, much to my dismay, but we know it happened because the call happens. Ellis tries to use this as leverage to convince Eileen to make him a producer on Marilyn the Musical instead of an assistant. Eileen tells him to fuck himself, or words to that effect. I love Eileen. She doesn't fire him, though, which she totally should.
Ivy is back in the chorus of Heaven on Earth and she's got an attitude problem. Backstage, she takes more DOLLS so you know trouble's brewing. Just in case you haven't figured out that Ivy is becoming Marilyn Monroe, she gazes into the mirror, holding up a prescription bottle, while a picture of Marilyn stuck in the frame looks back at her. Get it? She's Marilyn! She's on drugs and she's destroying herself, get it? Get it? Can I hit you in the head with a 2X4 just to make sure you get that Ivy is Marilyn?
Karen follows Ivy out of the theater and they walk around Times Square. Ivy is still in her wings and halo which isn't particularly unusual in Times Square. Ivy heads for a liquor store and Karen gives her money for vodka, which is what anyone would do for an obvious addict who just hit rock bottom. They walk around Times Square swilling vodka for a while, then they break into a song and dance number. No really, that's what happened.
During all this, Tom gets a call from Sam the straight acting gay about Ivy's crisis. This rescues him from the gay Republican fundraiser because he has to go help her. He never actually does. Instead, he and Sam sit and talk at an all-night diner. They're dying to get into each other's pants, but clearly we're going to have to wait another episode or two.
The wasted Brian d'Arcy James confronts leading man Michael outside the Westway Diner. LC NY Bureau Chief Doug slouches in a booth, taking notes, enjoying an egg salad sand (I recommend it). Michael lets slip that this isn't the first time he and Julia have had an affair. Brian slugs Michael. Brian goes home, packs his bags, then confronts Julia. She's all crying and shit but Brian is in a righteous rage. He dashes out of the house with his bags, which again, takes a while because their living room is like two football fields.
Julia channels her grief into finally creating a title for the musical. All along you thought it was title Marilyn, the Musical, didn't you? It's now called Bombshell. It took them this long to come up with the most obvious name possible for a musical about Marilyn Monroe.