SmashCaps: Wait, She's Playing Marilyn???

It's the Smash season finale!  What will I write about now?  Actually it was a pretty good episode.  I won't go as far as some and say the show finally lived up to its promise, but it had its moments.

Let's Start!

The episode opens as people are showing up for the preview performance in Boston and Julia and Tom are dashing backstage with the latest song, which they've just finished.  The stage manager is calling "15 minutes" and the camera follows an actress walking to her place on stage with everybody telling her to break a leg.  Who is it?  Who will play Marilyn?  We can't see her face.

"Twelve Hours Earlier."  ARRRGGHHH! Flashbacks!

Tom, Julia, Derek, and Eileen are on stage yelling at each other about what a crapfest this show has become now that Movie Star Rebecca has left.  Ellis the conniving - but straight!- assistant hands Eileen the phone with Michael Reidel from the Post on the line.  Eileen turns all sweet and stuff.  "No, Michael, we're not ready to release the name of the new Marilyn just yet, but you'll be the first to know."  As soon as they figure it out.

Derek is backstage having another of his wacky visions of Karen as Marilyn.  Even in a vision, she sucks.  Folks, I like Katharine McPhee well enough.  She's very pretty and has a very nice voice, but she's no Marilyn Monroe.  Her on-screen effect is mostly flat and dull.  Megan Hilty, on the other hand...

Back to the episode.

After his vision of Karen as Marilyn, Derek goes on stage and says "Where's Karen Cartwright?"  Karen looks up and almost emotes.  "You're going on as Marilyn tonight."  Surely she isn't really since they wouldn't give away the climax this early in the episode, would they?  Would they?

Ellis and Eileen are in the theater lobby and he's all "I'm a producer.  I'm a big shot because I blew Rebecca's agent and I'm not even gay."  Or words to that effect.  Eileen's not having it and says "Why don't you go out for a Starbucks run or something."  Snap!  Ellis gets pissy and admits to putting peanuts in Rebecca's smoothie.  He apparently thinks this is a positive. Eileen FINALLY fires his ass.  Let's hope his character is written out of the show next season.  Seriously.

Julia and Leading Man Michael have a totally contrived moment on stage.  Julia actually says "I'm not running away from you. I'm running away from myself."  Debra Messing should get another Emmy for not laughing her way through that ridiculous line.  Naturally, husband Frank walks into the theater at just the wrong moment, sees everything and stalks off.  Has he finally grown a pair?  Will he finally tell Julia to fuck off?  She dashes out to him and for a moment it looks like he'll be a man for once. Sullen son walks up after acing his Sean Cody audition and presents his parents with a bag of tacos or something.  Frank is overcome by the family warmth of a shared fast food meal and all is forgiven with Julia.  What a pussy.

Ivy asks Derek why he chose Karen over her since she knows the show and Karen is learning an entire Broadway musical in an afternoon.  "She just has something you don't."  What?  What does Karen have that Ivy doesn't?  It's not the voice or the dancing ability or the acting ability or the sex appeal or the boobs or anything any real world director might look for in a Marilyn.  Ivy beats her in all those categories.  He had a vision.  Give me a break.  

Derek telling Ivy that Karen is the girl with something extra.

Ivy lets the audience know that she really does have Dev's engagement ring that he dropped in her hotel room when he hooked up with her.  Did I call it last week or what?

Eileen is getting a little freaked out at Karen playing Marilyn instead of Ivy.   She barks "She can't do it" to Derek and Karen overhears.  Karen goes to her dressing room to sulk.  Ivy is there and chooses this exact moment to reveal to Karen that she has the engagement ring.  Karen dashes out to the theater where Dev's been watching rehearsal.  She dumps Dev then whips off her wig and runs away.  Nobody knows where she is.  Will this be Ivy's turn?

You know, even though they're trying to write Ivy as a total bitch, I still love her.  She's not bad, she's just written that way.

Nice lips.

It's Nick Jonas!  Cue the screaming tweens!  He's back for another cameo so he can return Eileen's Degas or whatever it was.  He does it cutely.

Derek finds Karen somewhere backstage, hiding in her underwear.  He's totally cool with her disappearing a few hours before her debut as the star of a big Broadway musical that she's never rehearsed. He had a vision.

Derek comforting Karen in her bra and half-slip.

While Karen was missing, Eileen had Ivy put on the wig and costume to prepare to go on as Marilyn.  Suddenly, Karen's been found and Ivy's dreams are dashed again.  Momma Bernadette Peters appears backstage with champagne to toast Ivy's big starring moment.  Oops.  "They didn't pick me." 

It's showtime!   Julia and Tom are again dashing backstage with the song they've just written for the new ending and the stage manager is calling 15 minutes.  We see the back of the head of the actress walking onstage and it's Ivy!  Will Ivy play Marilyn?  No!  She's just one of the other Marilyns in the opening number.  Karen goes on as Marilyn.  Naturally, the entire show goes off without a hitch even though Karen never rehearsed the show until today.

The end of the show comes with Karen as Marilyn dying on stage just like Rebecca did last week. Weren't they writing a new ending?  Wait a minute, the show's not over.  Joe DiMaggio comes onstage to sing something angsty while Karen changes into a tight gold gown (miraculously, all the costumes have been altered to fit skinny Karen after they were tailored for tall, buxom Rebecca.  In one day). Karen comes out in the gold gown to sing the brand new number that she laid eyes on for the first time 15 minutes before the show.  She has never rehearsed it.  The orchestra has never rehearsed it.  It has never been sung before.  You know what happens, don't you?  Karen knocks it out of the park!  The performance is perfection!  Of course it is.

Backstage, Ivy is about to take a handful of pills.  Don't do it, girl!

The end.  This episode was called Bombshell, but it should have been called What is Sam Going to Write About Now?