Tony! Tony! Tony!

I watched the Tony Awards and it was really, really, uh, well, it was really good.  It was quite satisfactory.  I give it a solid B.  Obviously, the Tonys decided to go the way of the Grammys and focus on lots of theater at the expense of awards presentations to the extent that some pretty major awards, including the special Tony for Miss Bernadette Peters, were relegated to the pre-show "technical" awards.  So, it should have been a fabulous night of Broadway!  Right?  Right?  It reminded me of Best Musical nominee Nice Work If You Can Get It.  All the pieces were there for greatness, yet it only achieved good.  Reportedly the ratings reflected it and hit a record low.  Here are my thoughts recorded as the show unfolded:

The Show is about to begin!  Let's see, Commemorative Tony Program?  Check!  Citrus Manhattans from Neiman Marcus Restaurants' Summer Menu?  Check!  On with the show!

Hello!  It's the Book of Mormon boys ringing dressing room doorbells and who should answer but Ricky Martin!  Is that a gay porn set-up or what?

James Earl Jones answers ready to autograph Darth Vader head shots.  Funny.  It all seques into another Neil Patrick Harris Tony opening.  Oh heck, as the Morman boys might say, instead of telling you about it, I'll show you!
  

NPH makes a perfect Mormon missionary, don't you think?  Wouldn't it be brilliant if he did a few months as Elder Price?

First presenter is cute Paul Rudd, "soon to return to Broadway."  Featured Actress in a Play is Judith Light for Other Desert Cities!  Love her!  I saw her in person at Joe Allen last year and held myself back from asking for her autograph.  She looked so pretty and tonight she's a vision in ivory.

Nick Jonas!  That was not me you heard squealing even though he's just too cute for words, especially with his newly buzzed hair.  He introduces a scene from Newsies.  Those Newsies boys are cute and HI NRG!  They're about to dance themeslves into a froth!  Or is it just me?

NPH again with Broadway/Hollywood mashups.  "Towering InferNo No Nanette," "ExerSister Act," "PsychoCalcutta."  I'd pay to see that last one.

 A nervous Amanda Seyfried is presenting Featured Actor in a Musical.  It's Michael McGrath for Nice Work If You Can Get It.  Deserved.  He and Judy Kaye saved that show.  Apparently his name is pronounced "McGraahhth."

Fawless

The Ageless Bernadette Peters introduces a scene from Follies featuring Tony Nominee Danny Burstein.  She is stunning.  Easily the most gorgeous woman on stage all night.  The scene from the musical though, is somehow annoying.

Next up is a scene from Ghost, The Musical.  LC NY Bureau Chief Doug texts me:  "This scene will hurt business."

It's John Larroquette.  Doesn't he have like 1,000 Emmys and Tonys?  I don't get why he wins everything.  He presents Best Director of  Musical and it goes to John Tiffany, the hot, bald director of Once.

John Tiffany.  I love a bald guy with a tight body.  And a Tony.

Best Director of a Play goes to Mike Nichols for Death of a Salesman.  He kisses America's Junior Miss and accepts his record 6th Tony.  The band tries to play him off.  Even Mike Nichols can't get any respect in this town.

Ben Vereen, soon to return to Broadway, introduces a scene from Jesus Christ Superstar.

Jesus, great chest.

   NPH is lowered in a very painful looking Spider-Man pose while Angela Lansbury and some guy explain all about the American Theater Wing.  

NPH suffers for his art.

Jessica Chastain is lovely in a sparkly sheer nude gown.  It's strikingly similar to what I'm wearing.

Jessica's no Bernadette, but she looks pretty good for a young gal.

It's Matthew Morrison with stubble!  Very nice.  He introduces a number from Nice Work If You Can Get It.  They should have done the bathtub scene.  Matthew Broderick, who I love, is somehow diminished by this show.

Cut to a pre-recorded bit from the technical awards.  Once sure is winning a lot of them.

Cute James Marsden is presenting Featured Actress in a Musical.  Judy Kaye!  Deserved. Best thing about Nice Work If You Can Get It. She thanks her Daddy who just died a few days ago.  Quite moving.

Ellen Barkin introduces scenes from the year in plays.  Peter and the Starcatcher starts it off.  The One Man/Two Guvnors guy is terrific.  It's Tracie Bennett as Judy Garland!  Oh my God, how could anyone else win?    

Tracie Bennett IS Judy Garland.

Watch the segment and see if you don't agree:


NPH's best score medley is genius.

For some reason, Sheryl Crow is introducing Best Score.  It goes to Newsies, breaking the Once run of awards?

BeBe Winans introduces a wonderful live Porgy and Bess montage.  Audra McDonald and Norm Lewis are electrifying.  Even with a grey beard, Norm is hot, hot, hot.

At the beginning of the show, NPH called the Tonys "50 Shades of Gay."  Next up is Tyler Perry presenting Best Revival of a Play to Death of a Salesman.

The best shot ever of Andrew Garfield, star of Death of a Salesman.

"Multi-platinum singer and songwriter" Josh Groban introduces a scene from Once.  That Steve Kazee sure is easy on the eyes.

It's Jim Parsons with his back to the audience, for some reason.  He introduces scenes from the Best Play nominees.  Didn't we already see this?  Oh well, we're seeing it again.  Best Play goes to Clyburn Park!  Is this an upset over Peter and the Starcatcher?  The two Clybourne guys accepting the award are totally cute.

Cute Clybourne guys.

Whoever Cody De Pablo is, she's introducing a scene from Evita.  Ricky Martin is delicious, but he's no Mandy Patinkin.  Sorry, but it's true.  Elena Roger's Eva is strangely stern and off-putting.  I don't think I like her.

It's Corbin Bleu and the cast of Godspell!  That show hasn't closed yet?

Holy Rainbow High!  It's Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin!  They've still got it.  They present Best Revival of a Musical to Porgy and Bess!

It's Harvey Fierstein ready for the high seas.

I love Harvey.

   Harvey introduces a scene from Hairspray, live from a Royal Caribbean cruise!  It stars the worst Tracy Turnblad I've ever seen, and I've seen a few.  She's way too thin and way too low-energy.  Corny Collins is worse.  Edna Turnblad is tragic, and not in a good way.  Remind me to skip Hairspray on my next cruise.

Surprise!  It's Mrs. Hugh Jackman in a big bird costume and mile-high wedgies.  How do you get Hugh Jackman at your awards show?  Give him an honorary award!

Awkward!

Wait a minute, I only thought Mrs. Jackman was tragic.  Candice Bergin looks like she escaped from the home and wandered onto the stage.  I love her and I loved her in Gore Vidal's The Best Man, but that jacket looks like bathroom wallpaper I ripped down 30 years ago.

Candy auditions for Maude! The Musical.

Candice presents Best Actor in a Musical to Steve Kazee!  What a Kutee!

Just Once I'd like to see Steve Kazee show some skin.

Best Actor in a Play is James Corden of One Man/Two Guvnors.  Clearly, James Earl Jones thought he heard his name and reacted with shock.  Or maybe that's because he didn't hear his name.

It's my next husband (don't tell my current one) Raul Esparza and the cast of the already-closed Leap of Faith.

Raul Esparza loves me, he just doesn't know it yet.

Christopher Plummer presents Leading Actress in a Play to...NOT TRACIE BENNETT!!!???!!!
WTF???!!!??? NO JUSTICE!  They should have given Tracie a special award because what she does on that stage every night is unique in this world.

I don't care who won.

Best Actress in a Musical is Audra McDonald.  This is her 5th Tony and her first as leading actress.  She's engaged to Will Swinson of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert!

Trey Parker and Matt Stone award Best Musical to Once!!!  Is this an upset over Newsies?

Good night everybody!