Smashcaps - I'm Late!

Sheryl Lee Ralph showing the kids how it's done.

The name of this week's episode wasn't "I'm late" but I am in posting these Smashcaps.  The episode was "The Song" and it felt like a placeholder episode that did little to advance the story.  The show took a detour to a one-night only concert by "two-time Tony winner" Veronica Moore, played by Jennifer Hudson.  It'll take it though, because there was lots of great JHud singing and not a lot of bad JHud acting.  Oh yeah, I've decided to stop calling Christian Borle FrogFace.  Seems mean.  Here are my thoughts.

The show opens with Ronnie (JHud) on a Broadway stage belting out "I've Got Love" from Purlie and nailing the shit out of it.  A clutch of gays in the audience squeal like girls, like I was doing at home.  Ronnie's rehearsing her concert which is tomorrow and she still doesn't know what she's singing which is apparently perfectly normal because nobody is stressed in the slightest.  Derek is directing her and keeps trying to get her to sex it up when suddenly who should appear but Sheryl Lee Ralph from Dreamgirls!  She's brilliantly cast as Ronnie's meddling stage mother who's not afraid to stand up to Derek.

Meanwhile, back on the La Boheme set in their Brooklyn apartment, Jeremy Jordan is bitching to New Gay Kyle that their show isn't on Broadway yet since they met Derek a whole week ago.  Suddenly Karen calls and tells them to get down to the theater and pitch a song to FrogFace  Tom who's the music director of Ronnie's show which is tomorrow and he still has no idea what she's singing.

Cut to NYU where Julia thinks Dramaturg has invited her to his class so she can guest lecture.  But no, he's invited her so she can sit through the humiliation of  a bunch of students doing a stage reading of her book for Bombshell.  She's pissed, but she stays because Dramaturg is crazy hot.

Ivy shows up at the rehearsal for Ronnie's show and Ronnie is all "girl, where you been?" because they're old pals who go way back.  "Hey girl, can you be in my show tomorrow?"  "Sure girl!"  Because that's the way things happen on Broadway.

Derek announces that Ronnie's show tomorrow will be broadcast on Bravo.  Surprise!  Because that's the way television programming works.  I can see Andy Cohen and his staff sitting around the Bravo offices:

"Hey, what's on tomorrow night?"  says Andy.
"I dunno, probably a Real Housewives of Orange County marathon." says a minion.
"I know!  Let's send some cameras down to Veronica Moore's concert and broadcast that instead!"
"Great idea!  I hear she has no idea what she's going to sing and is even considering  a pair of totally unknown songwriters with no track record."
"Perfect!  I smell Emmy!"
                   
Derek tells Tom to let Jeremy Jordan and New Gay Kyle pitch a couple of songs because gosh, 24 hours is plenty of time to select music, rehearse, and perform it before a sold-out theater and a national television audience.  Tom listens to JJ screech some terrible song and JJ is a total bitch to Tom because he didn't immediately recognize his brilliance, even though Tom's the music director for a nationally televised musical special starring a two-time Tony winner and JJ's a nobody.

At Karen's insistence  JJ and NGK sit up all night writing a new song for Ronnie the two-time Tony winner to sing on national television tomorrow night.  No prob!

Eileen, facing indictment for financing Bombshell with hot bartender Nick's mob money, comes home to find hot bartender Nick in her apartment.  He wants to turn himself in to save Eileen but she says "just come to bed," like a sensible girl with a hot bartender in her apartment.

Derek decides not to use JJ's new song and he runs off and goes on a coke, pot, and booze bender.  Obviously somebody forgot to tell him that Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope.

  
 JJ's bender gives NGK the chance to walk down Brooklyn streets looking for him while singing one of their songs.  He's pretty good actually and should be given more chances to sing.

Cute Andy Mientus plays New Gay Kyle.

Karen finds JJ in the alley by the stage door where he confesses to doing a pharmacy of drugs.  She's like whatever and tells him he needs to go in the theater so everyone can see that he can take rejection.  She says this even though he's just told her he's snorted half of Brooklyn up his nose.

Julia and Dramaturg get drunk together on red wine in the middle of the day and she has a major breakthrough   Bombshell should tell the story of Marilyn through the eyes of the men around her.  It'll be all about how men perceive her.  It's a terrible idea, but Karen and Dramaturg seem to think it's fucking brilliant and they immediately start the re-writes.

Hot bartender Nick turns himself into the Feds and tells them Eileen didn't know it was mob money.  Eileen also turns herself in and says she knew all along.

Ronnie decides at the last minute that she's doing a sexy show like Derek wanted and her mother can suck it.  Basically, this means she's going on national television with zero rehearsal, but that's OK because that's how it's done on Broadway.

Ronnie ends her brilliant and totally unrehearsed show with - surprise! - JJ and NGK's song.  She sings the shit out of it with Ivy and Karen singing backup.  With no rehearsal.  On national TV.   She finishes to thunderous applause and, as rose petals fall from the sky, she calls out JJ and NGK from the wings to take a bow.

NOW will you stop bitching and be happy, Jeremy Jordan?

Eileen tells Karen, Tom, and Derek that "Bombshell's free!  You're going to Broadway!" But without Eileen. That's the deal she struck with the Feds.  The new producer will be her asshole ex-husband Jerry.

The End.  Wow, I guess I was wrong.  A lot happened in this episode.